I would say 90% plus of people have been through “stuff” in their life and have their own insecurities, weaknesses, areas of their past that they didn’t enjoy and may feel or at least have felt not so good about. A lot of people put on a brave face and no one would know any different, but have they really healed from their stuff or is it still lingering in the background, popping its head up from time to time and causing them internal struggle.
In my experience there’s a few phases we go through in our happiness journey… For a lot of people initially we probably don’t even realise what’s going on for us, its easy to get stuck in a cycle and wonder why life is so tough, why we keep having bad experiences, feeling like its our circumstances that are the problem or other people are the reason all our problems have come about. This was certainly the case for me, I blamed my mother, my ex business partner, my ex girlfriend and others along the way. I held them responsible for the way I was feeling, to me it was their fault, it was the circumstances id been dealt that sucked.
I was in a world pain and living a very reactive life for quite a while there, letting my emotions control me. Through this time and some self development I found the power of positivity, when I thought positive then life seemed to be pretty good and therefore I started being positive all the time, would wake up and say my affirmations, turn all negatives into positives and try to eliminate all things that made me feel bad from my life.
When I thought positive then life was good, yet the problem here was when I didn't think positive then life wasn't so great. I remember eventually realising I was just being positive to escape my reality which truely wasn’t as good as id convinced myself that is was. Being positive all the time in that way can end up being a bad thing, for me it meant avoiding things that were actually on a bad path like my health, my relationships etc. I was trying to escape my reality, isolating myself and avoiding my problems which was putting me in an even worse position.
I'm not sure what the exact trigger was that made me snap out of it, I think it just build up over time and enough was enough, I do remember looking in the mirror a few times and thinking to myself what’s happened to me, my health and my life in general was worse than it had been in a long time which was so far from who I really was and my values. The next step was realising if I wanted to truely heal and feel good without having to be positive all the time, I actually had to take a step back and figure out what was causing me to feel so crappy. I had to stop avoiding my issues/problems and actually step into them, face them and start to really understand them and why they were affecting me so much.
Stepping into your problems certainly isn't the easy option when your not in a great place. It's the tough one, the one where you have to put your ego aside and accept that you're not perfect, your life isn’t perfect, you have flaws, you have areas that need a lot of attention. But when you can look at these areas needing work and accept them, understand them and then use them for your own growth then this is where things will start to shift for you.
Its honestly all about understanding things and shifting your perspective on them. Having a good mindset coach or NLP practitioner to work with you on this stuff can be a huge help in speeding up the process. I did a really good mentorship though FMA strength institute that helped me really see what was going on for me and start to really shift my perspective on things, which ultimately helped me grow a lot as a person and a coach for others.
I now look back at my life and all the experiences that I once played a victim to and look at them with so much gratitude, they were all absolutely necessary to shape me into the man I am today. They helped me grow, they taught me a lot of lessons I needed to learn on this journey called life and they gave me priceless experiences and wisdom moving forward that I can now share with others.
It's takes time and energy to work on yourself but honestly is so worth it, I think the self development journey is by far the most challenging and rewarding. It's amazing how many areas of life can change when you put time, energy and effort into yourself.
If you're ready to invest in you and start putting time, effort and energy into moving towards the better version of you…. You know what to do!
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